Hi there,
Welcome to the fourth issue of One Good Word from Dr. Dan.
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Today's issue is about my childhood stuffed animal Rowie, and why bedraggled isn't so bad.
One Good Word
When I was given my first stuffed dog, I had met exactly one real dog.
His name was Rowie, and he belonged to a family friend. He must have made an impression on young Daniel, because when I was given a stuffed dog for Christmas I named it Rowie, too.
I don’t remember much about Rowie-the-real-dog. But my Rowie became an integral part of my life. I had other stuffed animals, but Rowie is the only one that I really bonded with. Rowie was my companion for bed time and imagined adventures around the house, and packing for family trips was never complete until Rowie was safely tucked into my suitcase.
Over the years, Rowie became bedraggled. His fur fell off. One of his glass eyes cracked. He’s nothing special to look at.
But I still love him. It’s silly to talk about loving an object, but it’s a truth. As I was writing I unconsciously shifted from “it” to “him.” That’s the power of a bond between a boy and his dog, even when the dog is stuffed.
On the one hand, this doesn’t make sense. Rowie is fabric and stuffing. But he’s not just fabric and stuffing. Love makes him so much more than that.
Sometimes, I hear from people who are worried that nobody could ever love them. It usually happens when I post a video giving a tip for making friends.
People will comment and share decades of pain – a lifetime where they’ve been on the outside. Sometimes this gets expressed as anger, criticizing me for thinking that neurotypical people would ever love an autistic person who refuses to mask. Sometimes it gets expressed as sadness, saying that my advice might help someone else who is more lovable.
But look. All of us are lovable. We just need the right people to love us.
Rowie is bedraggled. If he were in a toy shop, most people would pass him over. But I love him.
I’m autistic and awkward. Plenty of people have passed me over. But my friends and family love me.
I’m sure you’re bedraggled in your own way. I’m sure that some people have passed you over, and I know that must have really hurt.
But the people who rejected you don’t decide whether or not you’re lovable. The people that love you do.
You just need to find them.
Three Good Things
Google's fly brain goes to heaven, a weird but wholesome bit of science news. Arabesque no 1, a beautiful and calming piece of music recommended by my friend Pete. I'm Proud of You, a life-affirming memoir about an author's friendship with Mr. Rogers from Mr. Rogers Neighborhood (and one of my favorite books. Affiliate link.)
(Got a good thing you think other readers will enjoy or find helpful? Suggest it by replying directly to this email!)
Thanks for reading!
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~ Dr. Dan
P.S I still have Rowie today. He's protected in a special memory box, and every now and then I take him out and give him a hug.
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